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Hi

No doubt you've googled "melbourne" and "collingwood", and arrived here by mistake. First off, yes, I have the same name, and yes, I'm in the same city, but this website has absolutely nothing to do with the pies. Now that we've got that out of the way, let's continue.........

Right, You've landed in my world. I am Frank Collingwood, youngest son of John and Pat, brother of Chris, Gerard, Pete and Teri, father of Chris, Jason and Marc. Now a resident of Melbourne (Australia, not Florida), but previously of Auckland (NZ), Frankfurt a.M. (Germany), Stone Cross (UK), Stevenage (UK), London (UK, not Ontario), Johannesburg (SA), Durban (SA), Pietermaritzburg (SA) and Bulawayo (Rhodesia). My two favourite passtimes are scuba diving and flying, with flying taking the front seat at the moment.

I moved here permanently in Jan 2004, after seperating from my ex-wife. I wasn't new to Melbourne though, having been over since May of the previous year, flying back to NZ for weekends. Now to confuse some more.......I'm not a sheepshagger, and was only in NZ because the company I was working for in Germany went bust. I'm not German either, but was in Frankfurt because my skills were needed there, and the UK Telecoms industry was a bit wobbly. But.......I'm not British either (Well, I am, we'll get to that later), having arrived in the UK as a backpacker from Seth Efrika just over 10 years ago. I'm not South African either, having been born in a little country called Rhodesia.

"Where?", I hear you ask

Rhodesia. A country which doesn't exist anymore. So, seeing as the only passport I have is British, and the place which really played the major part in forming me as I am today was England, I consider myself to be English. Simple.

Update: I've been back in Auckland since Jan 2005, it was just all too hard being so far away from the boys. I'm enjoying the contact with them and look forward to the weekends I have them.

UPDATE 17/10/2006: Some spammer scumbag has been sending out spam with forged headers showing the sender as being from the collingwood.me.uk domain.

NO SPAM ORIGINATES FROM COLLINGWOOD.ME.UK
NO SPAM HAS EVER ORIGINATED FROM COLLINGWOOD.ME.UK
NO SPAM WILL EVER ORIGINATE FROM COLLINGWOOD.ME.UK

Now that I've got that off my chest, if you are receiving spam that seems to come from an address on my domain, please check very carefully the IP address where it actually originated from, that is where you will find the culprit, and where you need to complain. If you don't know how to read email headers, just google it, there's plenty of information out there on the web.

::: Thursday July 29, 2004 :::

How to Send Someone Home, Take 2

Hoo-bloody-ray! The patches went into development, all the modules were loaded up, and the test run, and everything worked. The change request has been raised, and the patches will go into production from next Thursday, with cutover to my new system the following Monday. That will mean project complete, and out for a company sponsored piss-up (Again!)

Peter has now decided that he wants to move out of his apartment, so he & I are going to houseshare. Means I can get to see the kids more often, as my rent will be somewhat reduced. Happy Happy! Downside is, it also means househunting this weekend, so the nice peacefull weekend which was anticipated will turn into utter frustration. I hate househunting. Oh well, looks like Victor (Very decent Russian bloke) is out on Saturday, Metro here we come! Will take out the new toy and get some happy snaps.

Joe is off back to the US on Sunday, so we are having part 1 of the farewell tonight - he drinks so bloody much, we have to have it in two parts!

OK, quiet night tonight, no-one was really in the mood for a party, so home early after a few beers. Tomorrow.........OMG!

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::: Wednesday July 28, 2004 :::

Absolutely......

Bugger-all........

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::: Sunday July 25, 2004 :::

Fun and Games in a Cessna 150

Absolutely crap day, windy, cloudy, rain. Thought "Bugger, no flying", but we are made of sterner stuff! Took off from runway 35, hard right turn at 500ft to avoid the airliners coming into Tullamarine, and tracked out over the Westgate bridge to Point Cook. Once out over the water, John demo'd a 60 degree bank turn, then it was my go at it. Dropped the right wing into a 30 degree bank, pushed the throttle all the way in, dropped the wing some more, and pulled back on the elevator. John told me at the ground briefing that most students screw it up and lose altitude the first few times, because they don't put enough back pressure on the yoke, but I was pulling the bloody thing back almost to the stop, and so did not lose a single foot. It was good seeing the rate of climb indicator steady and horizontal, especially considering that the wind was blowing us all over the place.

Then we get a call on the Point Cook tower frequency - Apparently we've been transmitting on the Essendon tower frequency the whole time we've been out at Point Cook. Check the radio switches, and sure enough, Com 1 is set up for Point Cook, Com 2 for Essendon, and the transmit switch is on Com 2. John figures out he'd bumped it when we hit turbulence while he was fiddling with the cabin heater, although how he made that connection, I don't know - the heater control is up on the top right corner of the windscreen, the transmit switch is on the instrument panel, they are miles away from each other - must have been one hell of bump!

Anyway, after a couple more turns to left and right, and coming straight out of a left hander into a right hander, we track back over Station Pier, the usual approach into Essendon. Over Station Pier, Essendon tell us to track in over Westgate bridge again, so it's another tight turn in order to make it. By this time we have twin engine on our backside, so we have to make a fast approach - no flaps on this landing, apart from which, we may be moving on a 350 degree heading to track for runway 35, but the nose is pointing at 330-335, due to the wind, so I've got the rudder to the left. This is going to be my first crosswind landing, but I get it down cleanly.

Then off to the folksies for dinner. Whacked head on car tailgate while unloading microwave, then whacked head again on wooden beam under folks house while putting said microwave with the rest of my stuff. Head is now (Monday morning) lumpy......and sore.....

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::: Saturday July 24, 2004 :::

Chilling

OK, so Retro it was. Have absolutely no idea what time we left, but date and self were completly ratted. Late, bleary wake-up left just enough time to pick up Peter, Nick and Joe for the run out to airport, then back via the Westgate bridge. Dropped Peter off back at the Rialto, then home for a kip. Popped over to Clares' for pizza.

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::: Friday July 23, 2004 :::

Decisions, Decisions.....

Still fighting with the software. Big night planned tonight, starting with after work drinks at the Loft, then on to Cookie, home for the SSSS, then Retro. Or PJs. Or Spy Lounge. Or all three. Or somwhere completely different....The anatomy of a typical evening is to plan as little as possible, and enjoy as much as possible. It is far better to be flexible than to plan rigidly, and then stick to the plan. This is also how I prefer to travel, speaking of which, looks like crap weather all weekend, which may just mean we cancel flying and hit the snow instead. I could do with a weekend skiing.

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::: Thursday July 22, 2004 :::

Playing the Tourist

Went up to the Obvservation Deck at Rialto for the first time, and saw the seagull roasters in action. Not bad, but would have been more impressive had I not already seen Melbourne from 1500 feet on my frequent Point Cook-Return training flights, but impressive enough. Had a glass of red up there, then repaired to The Pub at Crown for another. Bloody ankle is still giving grief, even though it's been more than 3 weeks since I lost the argument with the tram tracks. Should have rested it instead of walking the CBD flat. Got into the residential section of Richmond for the first time last night when dropping Clare at home, looks like an OK area of town, and nice and close to the CBD too. May have to give it the once over for a house.

Bloody system is still not working, vendor seems as flumoxed as I am.

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::: Wednesday July 21, 2004 :::

Periodic Depression

Feel like absolute sh*t. Can't shake this bloody cold, bed by 21:00 tonight. No luck on the project today either.

On the bright side, managed to talk to the kids today. Missing them like hell. But, short term pain, long term gain - We don't get quality time when I go to see them in NZ, so instead of blowing a fortune every few weeks in plane fares, hotel accomodation, car hire, etc., spend it on getting my own place set up, then get them over here for a week at a time. That's been the main drive in wanting to get out of the current rent free accomodation.

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::: Tuesday July 20, 2004 :::

The Joys of Labour

Big day today. The project I've been working on for the last few months goes live. With great ceremony, the old system is shut down, and the new system activated. Nothing happens. Heads are scratched. And scratched a bit more. Old system is switched back on, and new system pointed back at the development environment and switched on. Bloody thing proceeds to work perfectly. Heads are scratched a bit more, then the whole mess dumped on the software vendor.

Back to the drawing board........

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::: Monday July 19, 2004 :::

Melbourne on a Monday (Or, How to Find an Off-License)

Nothing happens in Melbourne on a Monday night. Well, nothing I know of, anyway. Went to St Kilda at 19:30 for a coffee and a couple of glasses of red, nice chill-out at Vibe cafe in Acland St. Noticed the bottle shop was open (at 22:00?), and replenished my stock of Zubrowka. They still have no Heffeweizen, it's about time they got some in. And some Aftershock.

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::: Sunday July 18, 2004 :::

How to Send Someone Home

BUGGER!!!!!! Flying cancelled again, and the the synthetic flight trainer is out of order too, so just some theory today.

Going to Williamstown for the afternoon, it will be the first time I've seen it from the ground - it's on the approach to Essendon, and it's where we call Essendon Tower for approach clearance, so I know where it is, having flown over it plenty of times, but never been there on street level. I will take my camera on my next flight and ask the instructor to have a happy snap time, and post some photos. In the meantime, here is one of Cessna 150 callsign VH-UWR, which is the aircraft I've flown for all of my training flights so far.

Stopped in Footscray along the way to pick up Lucie, and off we went. All I can say is.......WOW! The waterside properties must be worth a fortune, the whole feel of the place is something else. Wandered about a bit, and then had a couple of glasses of red and some nibbles at a pavement cafe, and headed back homewards. Ran into the Booze Bus (At 19:00 on a Sunday????????? On the way INTO town?????????), got breathalised for the first time in my life, and passed.....well, it was only two glasses of wine.

Happy Happy, Joe called in sick, thought I'd had a reprieve. Not so lucky, we ended up going to PJ's anyway, after a recovery nothing short of the miraculous. Seeing as this is his last Sunday before heading back to the states........well.......Frank had to get up and bloody sing (Or, in my opinion, don mailed glove and scratch it down a blackboard). A good night for us, as Joe won it once again. Got some brilliant photos of the antics, with Nick, Joe, Adrian, yours truly and the PJ's chorus (Kelly, Chelsea and Rach), will post when available. Moving backwards, trying to frame the shot of Joe being evicted by the security staff (A set up...), I went arse-over-kettle over one of the benches, and ended up on the floor, pissing myself laughing (as one does after several Mexican evil brews). Joe then decided to demonstrate the theory of the 'Oh Face' to Kelly - we should have had a video camera for that. BTW, the 'Oh Face' comes from a movie called Office Space - Essential viewing for any IT cubicle rat, in fact, any cubicle rat.

Good seeing Nick out again, haven't seen him for an age - Have a feeling we may see him out a lot more in the near future.
Hey Jude..... Adrian, Joe, Nick, me
Hey Jude...... Adrian, Joe, Nick, me
Me, Nick, Kelly, Joe, Rach EVICTION
Me, Nick, Kelly, Joe, Rach EVICTION!

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::: Saturday July 17, 2004 :::

What One Does in Melbourne When One is Ill & Bored

Well, as usual, have a quiet week, plan for a quiet Friday, and everything goes pear-shaped..........

Planned on going to Retro last night, then decided to have a few quiet drinks at PJs instead, so had the quiet ones, and then Joe and I proceeded onto the noisy drinks. Several of them later, and the evening becomes a blur......this is not good for two reasons:
a: I have a cold, or low grade flu, and my sinuses are blocked up worse than the bloody M25 at the M4 interchange (Like, yeah, MIDAS works, lying bastards) on a Sunday evening
b: I have some dirt driving planned for today.

Clearly lots of alcohol and a snotty nose do not mix very well, so woke up this morning not in the best of humour. Got out of the apartment, picked up my navigator for the day and off we went. To cut a long story short, we got mud on the Peasant Crusher, found an eaterie and demolished a stack of pancakes, then to Moorabin Airport to collect some stuff from the pilots shop, back along Warrigal to collect the new high-tech microwave oven, and then to my almost second home - had an early night and after dinner at Teri and Pauls, came home and went to bed.

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::: Tuesday July 13, 2004 :::

Deq Robinson, the Famous One

I told Deq that she may get a mention on the blog -

HELLO DEQ!!!!!!!

Heh heh, now that she's famous, she's calling me a sexy thing..........I guess she knows quality!

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::: Sunday July 11, 2004 :::

Ooooohhhhhh Aaaaaaahhhhh Hangover.........!

Dammit, Melbourne weather means no flying today. Winds gusting 15-20 knots, not the best weather to take up a small two seater aircraft. Probably not a good idea to fly anyway, due to the state of the head (LOL, found out Joe washed his tram ticket and his mobile phone when he got home!).

So, what does one do when one can't fly? GO SHOPPING!!!!!! Spent altogether way too much money, but at least I'm now in the position where I'm almost ready to move out of the apartment, and into a place of my own. Put some more mileage on the new car, it really is a pleasure to drive. Note to self, really must make the effort to sell the other car in NZ.

Went to P. J. O'Briens again, to give Joe some moral support in the karaoke. He won again, but as we left before the end of the night, they gave his bottle of vodka to someone else (Bastards!). The crew have now racked up some impressive results, with Peter coming second last weekend, and Joe's previous win a few weeks back. Still not convinced that I have what it takes to get up and do "Hey Jude" before the end of the month, but a promise is a promise.......

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::: Saturday July 10, 2004 :::

The Making of a Party Animal

Well, having sorted out the mess in my head, and pretty much got my life back on track, here I am. The people who I tend to spend my time with are my family, or Joe (When he's not back in the US), Peter, Helen and Alan and Dee. So, although the Blog should have started way back when, I have trouble remembering what I got up to as close in as last week, except for taking delivery of my new car (Name so far is "The Peasant Crusher", could change to "Fugly") on Thursday - I think my memory may be a little shot due to a few too many scotches at Retro on Friday night. We'll kick it off from Saturday 10th July 2004, when Joe, Peter, Adrian, Liezel and myself went off to Metro Nightclub to terrorise the kiddies.........
Frank, Peter, Joe, Adrian, Liezel Peter, Liezel, Adrain, Frank
Me, Peter, Joe, Adrian, Liezel Burning up the dance floor
with Peter, Liezel and Adrian

It's double scotch and water in the hand, after several of those, it's no wonder I have absolutely no idea what time we left, but seem to recall that a good time was had by all. Joe is going back to the US at the end of the month, and Adrian and Liezel are returning to South Africa, so we are making the most of what little time is left.

By the way, for free entry to Metro on any Saturday night to anyone who bothers to read this, just get in the VIP queue, and tell the door staff you're on my guestlist.

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